The Eternal Meddlers: When the West Plays Chess with Other People’s Nations.

There is a familiar ritual in Western diplomacy. A crisis erupts somewhere beyond the comfortable boulevards of Europe or the tidy suburbs of America. Analysts furrow their brows, television panels convene, and the conclusion arrives with solemn certainty; the region in question is simply “unstable.”

However, history tends to ask an awkward question before accepting that explanation: unstable compared to what, and unstable since when?

Today’s political landscape of the Middle East did not emerge spontaneously from ancient quarrels or mystical fatalism. Much of it was assembled, rearranged, and occasionally detonated by outside powers convinced that they were the rightful engineers of global order. The West, armed with commerce, scripture, ideology, and occasionally gunboats, has long treated vast portions of the world as a chessboard where the pawns belong to someone else.

Long before modern geopolitics acquired its bureaucratic language, Europe had already rehearsed the art of moralized intervention. The medieval expeditions known as the Crusades were framed as sacred pilgrimages but functioned equally well as campaigns of conquest and resource extraction. Faith and power have always been close companions.

Centuries later, the language changed but the instinct remained. As the Ottoman Empire collapsed during the First World War, Britain and France quietly negotiated the secret Sykes–Picot Agreement. With little regard for the societies that actually lived in the region, diplomats carved the Middle East into zones of influence using lines drawn on European maps.


What followed was not stability but a slow-burning inheritance of artificial borders, rival mandates, and political arrangements designed less for local coherence than for imperial convenience.

If the twentieth century proved anything, it is that borders drawn in foreign ministries have a peculiar habit of producing problems that last far longer than the ministries themselves.

Perhaps no episode better illustrates the paradox of Western intervention than the story of Iran in the mid-twentieth century.

In 1951, the Iranian prime minister Mohammad Mosaddegh pursued what might seem a rather ordinary policy for a sovereign state: he nationalized the country’s oil industry, long dominated by the British-controlled Anglo-Iranian Oil Company, aka, British Petroleum.
.
To Iranian voters, this was an assertion of economic independence but to Western governments, it was unacceptable.

Two years later, British intelligence and the Central Intelligence Agency collaborated on Operation Ajax, a covert operation that removed Mosaddegh and restored the authority of Mohammad Reza Pahlavi, the Shah. Stability, Western officials declared, had been secured.

Yet the stability that followed depended on repression, secret police, and the growing perception among Iranians that their political destiny had been outsourced to foreign powers. When revolution erupted in 1979, replacing monarchy with the Islamic Republic, Western observers expressed astonishment, as if the earthquake had appeared without tectonic pressure beneath it.

In truth, the shockwave had been building for decades.

Iran was not unique. The logic of strategic convenience has repeatedly shaped Western alliances in the region. One decade’s indispensable partner becomes the next decade’s existential threat.

Consider Saddam Hussein in neighboring Iraq, a ruler alternately courted, tolerated, and ultimately overthrown in the 2003 invasion of Iraq. That invasion was justified with urgent warnings about weapons of mass destruction that were never found.

Democracy, we were told, would flourish once the old regime disappeared.

Instead, the region witnessed a cascade of sectarian violence, fragile institutions, and geopolitical rivalries that continue to reverberate today. It turns out democracy is not a consumer product that can be shipped overseas in military convoys.

What makes this pattern remarkable is not simply the interventions themselves but the persistent amnesia that accompanies them. Western governments often speak as if they are reluctant participants in foreign crises rather than frequent contributors to them.

Sanctions regimes punish populations while political elites remain insulated, proxy wars transform regional conflicts into global contests and arms sales flourish in the name of stability while instability grows in their wake.

All of it is wrapped in the vocabulary of universal principles; freedom, order, democracy. These ideals are noble in theory, in practice, their application has sometimes resembled something closer to demolition followed by instruction.

One might call it demo-cracy; demolish first, then prescribe governance.

There is a curious irony at the heart of global politics. The Western world represents a minority of the planet’s population, yet its influence on the political architecture of other regions has been immense. Through colonial administrations, military alliances, financial institutions, and ideological exports, it has often functioned as the conductor of a global orchestra.

The problem, of course, is that the musicians did not always choose the music.

None of this absolves the governments of the Middle East, or any region, of responsibility for their own choices. Authoritarianism, corruption, and internal conflict have their own local roots, societies are not passive victims of history.

But honesty requires acknowledging that many contemporary crises were not purely local creations. They were shaped, accelerated, or intensified by external interventions pursued in the name of order.

And that is the paradox of Western power; it frequently arrives proclaiming stability while leaving behind landscapes that must spend generations rediscovering it.

Perhaps the time has come for a modest experiment in restraint. A world in which the great powers resist the temptation to rearrange other societies like pieces on a geopolitical chessboard might look unfamiliar at first.

But it might also be quieter.

History, after all, suggests that the world’s most persistent conflicts often begin with the same move; someone else deciding the game.

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The New Science of Nigerian Crime: Alcohol, Apparently.

In a country celebrated for its devotion to prayer, fasting, crusades, vigils, pilgrimages, and the occasional televised miracle, a new scientific discovery has emerged from the laboratories of governance. According to Mojisola Adeyeye, the head of National Agency for Food and Drug Administration and Control, alcohol is responsible for banditry and kidnapping.

At last, Nigeria has found the culprit.

Not poverty. Not corruption. Not the spectacular collapse of institutions. Not the flourishing black market in weapons.

No, the villain is a bottle of beer.

One imagines the scene somewhere in the forests of north-western Nigeria. A bandit camp. AK-47s leaning against trees. Motorcycles idling in the background. A hardened kidnapper turns to his colleague and says: “Before we abduct the next school bus, Musa, pass me that bottle of stout. I must first become irrational.”

For as the Director-General helpfully explained, no one in their right senses could point a gun at another human being.

It is a fascinating theory. A revolutionary contribution to criminology. For centuries, scholars from Cesare Lombroso to Gary Becker have studied the incentives and social structures behind crime. They have written libraries of books about economic marginalisation, state failure, and the rational calculations of criminals.

Little did they know the answer was sitting in a chilled bottle.

The implications are enormous. Nigeria’s security agencies may finally put down their rifles and instead deploy breathalysers in the forests. The next time kidnappers block a highway, the police need only ask:
“Gentlemen, have you been drinking?”
Should the criminals test above the legal alcohol limit, the matter is settled. Case closed. Crime explained.

Of course, the theory raises certain delicate questions.

If alcohol explains kidnapping, what explains embezzlement?

Because it is difficult to imagine that the public officials who divert billions of naira meant for hospitals, roads, or education are doing so under the influence of palm wine. Embezzlement tends to occur in air-conditioned offices, with spreadsheets, procurement documents, and very sober signatures.

Nobody staggers drunkenly into a treasury account and accidentally transfers ₦5 billion to a private company called National Development Solutions Global Holdings and Sons Ltd.

Such operations require clarity of mind.

Indeed, if the Director-General’s hypothesis holds, Nigeria’s anti-corruption agencies should begin investigating alcohol consumption among public servants. The next budget scandal could be solved by checking whether the accounting officer had a glass of wine with lunch.

“Your Honour,” a defence lawyer might argue, “my client did not intend to steal the funds. He merely had two bottles of lager before approving the contract.”

The judge nods gravely. The courtroom murmurs. A landmark precedent is established.

In a deeply religious country such as Nigeria, where sermons against alcohol are far more common than sermons against looting public funds, the theory carries an added convenience. It shifts moral blame away from the structures of power and places it squarely on a socially acceptable villain; alcohol.

The bottle becomes the sinner.

Meanwhile, corruption continues its quiet pilgrimage through ministries and agencies, sober as a monk.

The truth, of course, is less theatrical but more uncomfortable. Kidnappers are rarely intoxicated romantics of violence; they are entrepreneurs of insecurity. They operate within an economy where ransom payments are reliable revenue streams and state capacity is sporadic. Their actions are calculated, organised, and disturbingly rational.

Crime, in other words, does not require drunkenness. It only requires opportunity.
And opportunity, in Nigeria, is abundant.
So perhaps alcohol does cause crime. Perhaps somewhere in the forests a kidnapper indeed takes a celebratory drink after collecting ransom. But to suggest that alcohol is the engine of banditry is rather like blaming matches for a house fire while ignoring the arsonist standing beside the gasoline.
Still, the theory has one advantage, it is comforting.
It reassures the public that society itself is not broken, that institutions have not failed and that governance has not collapsed under the weight of corruption and impunity.

No. It is merely the beer.

And if Nigeria could only close the bars, the bandits would surely return their rifles, apologise to their victims, and enroll in rehabilitation programmes.

As for the embezzled billions? Perhaps those, too, were drunk. 🍷

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